The great Australian dream

Divorce advice in Australia
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
How to get divorced in Australia (or perhaps not to!)

When I first decided to begin this Blog I was tempted to call it "The great Australian lie." However I have decided to get straight to the point. It’s not a very happy topic but don’t give up on my Blog just yet. You may still yet learn something. To most of us living in Australia, I believe we are striving for a better way of life. Typically, someone to share your life with, financial security, children (for some,) and an environment and government that supports and encourages this.

And in Australia today do we have this? Well you may have someone to share your life with and hopefully that remains. However as for the rest I think not. Life has changed so much since I was a child. Priorities seem to be more and more focussed on how to improve wealth and the more important issues go by the wayside. Yes! Times have changed and even marriage has become so trivialized that we have such expressions as "You only get married so that you can get divorced." The divorce rate is out of control and extramarital affairs are almost seen as being a trendy thing to do.

While that divorce rate is spiraling out of control, the government tells us that the population is declining rather than increasing. Their solution to this is to simply not acknowledge it as a societal problem and open up the doors to immigration. There is also apparently at this time a severe shortage of men in Australia. I would suggest that perhaps this has something to do with the inequality and unfairness that exists in Australia today, especially in the processes of family law in which it is acceptable to use your children as pawns to establish the best result in the division of assets. The shortage of males may also perhaps be due to the fact that the suicide rate for males in Australia is about three times that of females. I expect that our government’s solution to this will be to simply import more males.

I recently met a young woman who had decided she wanted to have a child but had also decided that she wanted to raise the child herself and was simply looking for a person to act as the donor. I must admit that to me that sounded selfish. But, alas in today’s world, at least in the west, that is what the term "Father" has become. It’s typically someone who can provide sperm and a ready source of cash. This concept is further supported by our government that while on one hand states they want fathers to have input into child rearing, yet don’t support the concept in a legal sense. They then go on to express wonder at why the divorce rate is so high. Marriage in Australia has largely become a business that keeps the greedy happy and children fatherless. Divorce is further encouraged by the fact that at least one person, typically the mother, is going to be richer for having gone down this path.
Obviously in my view, Australia has a very unfair society and doesn’t truly support the concept of family. If it did males and females would be given opportunities to participate equally in their children’s lives. However, anybody having seen the inside of the courts responsible for the removal and separation of the parent that is ousted can tell you how grossly unfair the whole process is. Its become so bad that to commit perjury is seen as a natural parental way to act and is an acceptable method of gaining possession of the children and assets.

Be warned though, on basis of gender, perjury is not acceptable on the part of male parents. We in Australia have a constitution that supposedly affords parents responsibility and rights to the welfare and care of our children, however on a daily basis this constitution is overwritten by the courts in order to exclude parents from the lives of their children. All the while this is occurring we are subjected to the rhetorical catch phrase of "in the best interests of the children" being stated over and over again. Is it truly in the children’s interest to exclude either parent from their lives? Shouldn’t children have a right to equal time with parents?

I expect that some reading this will now be saying, "and what of all those aggressive males that need to be controlled from harming their former spouses and children." True, we need a system that does control people who are out of control, aggressive and dangerous. But the system barely even acknowledges that females can also be aggressive and assumes that all males have aggressive natures which is untrue. The typical culmination of unsuccessful marriages in Australia is for the female to make statements against their partner in order to have them thrown out of the home. And regardless of whether the statements are true or not, that is what generally happens. That is fact. It’s so unfair that the male often is unaware the statements are even being made against him and thereby not permitted to even defend himself in the court at that time.

During Sir Bob Geldof"s divorce proceedings and his attempts at trying to stay actively involved in his child’s life, he said that he was once told that to express strong emotional attachment for your child (That emotion being love,) can be seen in the family court as being a negative. See the abridged article at: http://www.mensrights.com.au/index.php?article_id=131
That is to say that it can be twisted into something it is not by those in the process of relieving you of your children and assets. The courts are a despicable environment to even take children’s issues into when those same courts are biased in their decision making processes as they most definitely are in Australia.

I vote that the court should be called something like "The divorce courts" or something similar. Just think how ironic and sarcastic the current name is. "The family court." Where you take the family. And when you’ve finished your business there you don’t have one. The Family courts don’t solve problems of family. They add to the pain of divorce and succeed in further separating family.

I also vote for a more appropriate name for the child support department. It should be "The child extortion department" as this is how the system works. If one wants the most money, you drive your partner out of the children’s lives by accusing him/her of as many things as possible. That will ensure that he/she is relieved of the assets and assure the money he/she then has to pay (supposedly for the welfare of the child,) is at the maximum amount. Again, it is not necessary that the accusations be truthful or even supported by any factual evidence. (Unless of course you are a male.) Perhaps not all court rooms are as unjust as the one I visited however I believe if you ask almost anyone who lives in Australia (Apart from those in government or the legal community,) you will learn the truth of how biased it is.
It’s a fairly depressing thing to go from doting dad to criminal without cause. I say this because that’s how it feels to be at the wrong end of a family court decision. In my case, a typical one, in the handout of allocated time with the child, I was given a phone call once a week and a fortnightly 2-day contact. It tends to make you feel as though you are a criminal. However in the legal community this is sold to fathers as "substantial contact." It means nothing as a parent as all you can do is be witness to any further injustices to your children. It’s also more typical for the father to be further accused if the mother goes on not caring for the children. It’s not impossible to change things in favor of the father if the children are truly being neglected or abused but your children would have to suffer greatly before this were done. This is because the system is already so corrupted.
What are my reasons for writing this blog? That’s simple. To have somewhere the truth about our society can be discussed and hopefully change things for the children’s sake.

My child is now six years old and each time I call I am asked "Daddy, when I grow up can I see you." We don’t see each other now and we have to be happy with phone calls only. There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t regret not being able to do better for her but with current laws in existence in Australia today, I am forced into the realization that I am simply of no use as a parent because of my gender. Even given the fact that on my first visit to court I was praised for my parenting efforts by the magistrate. The end result seems to favor a greed and spite attitude over one that puts children’s interests first.

There are a lot of changes under way in Australia in relation to family law but unless corrupt practice in the courtrooms is controlled things won’t change for your children. As long as people know the courts are grossly biased in their decisions then its not going to be too difficult to side step the new family relationship centers that our prime minister has so proudly introduced.

Australia is a beautiful country but the reputation it is gaining internationally now is one of disparity among families. Personally I see it as a country in which as a parent you cannot even protect your children. The government is uncaring and unsympathetic to issues involving males. What occurs throughout the processes of divorce and what male’s in particular as well as some unfortunate females also endure, are the same things that the same government would expect you to go to war for.

Those in power express shock and awe at some of the terrible outcomes of failed marriages and instead of dealing with the root causes they go on to try and solve the problems by introducing tougher penalties. Teenage drug abuse and crime are issues that might better be dealt with if fathers were permitted to have input into children’s lives as parents. People that develop drug and alcohol problems, welfare cheating, tax evasion and suicide statistics might all be improved if only we had an honest legal system. Surely if we have a system that is supportive of corrupt practices then we can not be surprised when that corruption extends into the community. Corrupt courts promote corruption.

This is my first attempt at creating my own Blog and so I apologize if it’s not up to scratch just yet. In reality it’s also unlikely that my little Blog will change anything in Australia. We don’t have a bill of rights to protect freedom of speech like in the United States and up till this date I haven’t been brave enough to express my opinion for fear of becoming further entrenched legally and losing even more time with my child. Until I chose to divorce my partner I was under the impression that somehow truth and justice would make everything all right. I guess for me now that simply doesn’t exist in Australia when it comes to children and their fathers. Throughout the process of my being intentionally alienated from my-and my partners child, I was constantly reminded that certain information is just not acceptable in the courtrooms. I was eventually pressured by my own legal council to accept minimal time with my child. I chose to fight for her and the result was as assured as my barrister said it would be.

Rather than having a problem with my ex-partner, I have a problem with the system that clearly favors individuals and makes decisions so obviously on basis of gender. That is a form of corruption as well as discrimination. Of course not all marriage in Australia ends badly, and some go on to succeed where I failed. However from where I am at now in life I couldn’t think of a more risky proposition for a male. I don’t advise it and if I had a son I would be very concerned for his future in Australia. Apart from the obvious loss of wealth that goes with divorce, the bond and attachment to your children and losing that along with not being able to protect my child was too much for me to endure.

Staunch feminist views have largely caused the current situation in today’s court rooms, but what they fail to appreciate is that plenty of females are also being damaged by the one sided decision making processes of the courts. If the child misses out on time with the father, then the child also misses out on time with grandmothers, aunts and their children. Wives of those men willing to risk it all again by re-partnering have added pressure placed on their relationships by the ceaseless efforts of the child support department. Don’t get me wrong. I agree there should be a CSA department but it is as biased in its efforts as the courts are. Some say more so, but again lets not jump the gun. Fix the cause and solutions will follow. Hey! Who knows, we might actually reduce their workload if it were fair in the beginning.

Well, that’s where I will leave it for now. It’s December 24, 2006. Christmas Eve, and its my second Christmas without my child. I hope you enjoy your Christmas. If you are spending it with your children in Australia, enjoy it as you can lose it all with the stroke of one biased pen. This Blog is my Christmas present to myself. I look forward to updating it in a few weeks.

I welcome all constructive comments however grossly slanderous or obscene comments as well as those I deem unconstructive will be deleted.
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This is an update from my last post-
I am no longer a resident of Australia. It was the toughest decision of my life to date but to stay on there and be used and endure being a scapegoat for the legal system and government was not something I could live with. I was repeatedly told "you need to move on." I would ask myself "how can one move on from the loss of a child under such a sick system and circumstances?" I developed depression, as I’m sure many ousted parents develop. I couldn’t get treatment for that, as it could also be used as a tool to further remove my child. (Yes! Even your personal medical record can be used in this sick game.) I was no longer in a position that I could benefit my child as a parent and to watch her repeatedly brought to me either ill or poorly dressed and fed and distressed at having to leave after each short visit with me was saddening to say the least.

If you are a gambler, then go ahead and give marriage a try in the west, but at least look at the statistics first.
One site of interest is, http://www.betting-ring.com/dad.html

I believe the divorce rate is somewhere conservatively estimated at around 60-70% as opposed to marriages over the same period. So the odds are not in your favor.
And don’t even bother with a prenuptial agreement if you intend having children. If the courts can over right the constitution they certainly will your prenuptial if the divorce gets dirty.

I chose to use lawyers from the start. In hindsight I believe if you really intend to fight all the way and never give in, then its best not to bother with them. That way if you fail on your first attempt you will be more likely to gain another legal chance by stating you were at a disadvantage by not having one in the first place. But again, look at those statistics first. The only real time the courts seem to favor fathers or think of the children is when your kids are old enough to speak for themselves. Your word counts for nothing under Australian legislation.

Don’t be fooled into thinking there is such a thing as a caring lawyer in family law. People will tell you, "you need a good lawyer." Its just money to lawyers, regardless of whether they win or lose. Mine chose to take a holiday at the most crucial moment. Sure there could be the odd one that cares, but they are not supposed to take personal interest. I was advised that perhaps I should get into law and become a solicitor. I was learning so much about the system and how the law actually works. I was told, "perhaps I could help bring ethics back into it." There are so many dirty tricks to the law. Frankly I couldn’t think of a more unethical profession to be involved in than family law. Perhaps politics!

And yes! I do realize that some may use this information to do exactly as my ex did. I make no apologies for posting this. At the time I chose to divorce I looked for good clear concise advice on what the likely scenario might be. I looked in all the wrong places. I asked several lawyers. I asked at the Family Courts and I was told lies. I would have very much appreciated accurate information which may have enabled me to have taken better precautions and made it possible for me to have had input into my child’s life. If you do use this information to take revenge or increase your personal wealth then you truly are not thinking of your children and given time, it’s likely they will come to realize this and may just judge you.

If you are forced into court, remember in all likelihood that the decision as to whether or not you will play an important part in your children’s lives will depend on a magistrate, or judge who sits behind a bench for hours on end and most probably has no understanding of how to maintain a child full time themselves. Even if he/she suspects you may be a good person/father they are influenced by government policy anyway, and three quarters of those in the government are made up of lawyers or barristers. So they won’t want to be seen to be damaging their own industry. Australia has the 80/20 rule. One person is given 80% of the time and the other 20%. This is especially so with younger children. You are merely a number and not a person.

There was a time in Australia not so long ago when they wanted to reduce the pressure on magistrates and judges and so then they introduced the "Family report writer."
This served two purposes. It took the responsibility off the magistrates/judges and therefore some of the heat. They could simply base their decision on the report writer’s suggestions. And for those magistrates/judges that may regret having to remove you as a parent; it helps them sleep at night for having destroyed your life and relationship with your kids.

I should explain a little more as to how the Family report writer works. You are placed in a room with the report writer and after around 60 to 90 minutes they will write a summary of what kind of person they assume you to be. That’s it really. End of story, end of parentage. You may have had a ten or twenty year marriage and it’s as simple as that. In addition they will also ask that you spend around another half-hour with your kids to see how you interact with them and they with you. (They don’t even visit your home environment.) I had two interviews over 12 months. At the second interview (after 12 months of being forced into a one day per week contact with my child,) my daughter of 3 years refused to leave the interview room when the report writer directed that she needed to see her with the mother. Eventually she was forced to, however, she was so distressed that the mother had to take her from the building screaming and crying for her daddy. The report writer wrote that the child was bonded with the mother and that the child should remain in the same situation. My parents were at the second interview and were in tears. The interviews should be recorded to stop unethical practice. My child had to endure unnecessary mental anguish and stress. I can’t begin to describe how it feels not to be permitted to even comfort your child when all they are doing is screaming out for it.
I suggest that you record the interview with video. Bring your own and insist, otherwise the report writer can write the report any way that she/he likes. Explain that you simply want to keep all the facts correct. You can expect that it will be interpreted as a hostile act if you are a male and your child is young. You have Buckley’s chance of having a favorable report written anyway. Remember you are male and that you will be most likely profiled as hostile because of your gender. If your report is written by a Ms Valma Johnson, you can expect it to be written this way and to most likely be inaccurate as well.
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Another update-
I found another site to back my statistics of suicide in males. Seems they are actually higher than I was told.
http://www.wesleymission.org.au/publications/r&d/suicide.htm#glance
80% of suicides in 1998 were committed by men, a total of 2,150

Also from the Australian bureau of statistics.
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/ProductsbyReleaseDate/7A5013A2773B6167CA2570A6008230C8?OpenDocument

Total number of suicide deaths

There were 2,101 deaths from suicide registered in 2005, similar to the number registered in the previous year (2,098). Nearly 80% of these were deaths of males.

Tags: divorce/marriage/separation/childsupport/socialservices/discrimination/genderissues/parent/australia
Posted by dean at 07:30 | Permanent Link | Comments (0)